There’s a paradox about self-care, which is that those who need it most are probably the least likely to practice it. If you’re one of those people, you might even be put off by the term self-care. Maybe it sounds too self-indulgent to you.

If it helps, you can think of it as giving yourself some down time to avoid burnout, because that’s what it is. If you’re someone who juggles multiple roles and responsibilities, you probably think that if you stop putting out fires for five minutes, the flames will engulf you and everyone else. While it’s probably true that all the things you’re doing are very important, it’s also true that if you don’t stop putting out fires for a few minutes, you’re going to lose the strength to fight them at all.

Getting Rid of the Shoulds

The first step is to look at your obligations and separate the things that you must do from the things that you should do. This looks different for everyone. It’s frustrating when you feel that everything around you is a must and there are no shoulds you could eliminate. It’s particularly galling when you read an article about an influencer or startup CEO whose big realization is that they don’t have to work quite so many hours or that they can skip going to the gym occasionally.

Maybe you can’t afford the pay cut that would come from working fewer hours and having time to go to the gym sounds like a distant, exotic dream. But you need to find time somewhere. Can you feed the family takeout once or twice a week instead of cooking? Can your kids learn to make their own lunches? Can you look to help if you’re a caregiver for someone who is ill? For now, this is triage. You can look to getting a higher paying job or adjusting other parts of your life later, but right now, all you need is a little bit of time in your week to catch your breath.

Choose to Pamper Yourself

Let’s say you’ve managed to clear an hour or two here and there or even as much as half a day. Ironically, this can suddenly be as stressful as everything else in your life because you may feel overwhelmed at the thought of all the things you’d like to do in this block of time. Take the pressure off and choose just one thing. You can change your mind later, but for now, pick what would relax you the most, whether it’s calling a friend, going for a run, sinking into a hot bath or just lying on the couch staring at the ceiling for a while, with no obligation to do anything in particular.

You can also get creative. Take yourself out to a movie or a restaurant no one you know wants to go to. Book an appointment at a med spa, where you can pamper yourself. Treatments such as Botox or microdermabrasion can boost your confidence. Don’t dismiss an outing like this out of hand with the assumption that you can’t afford it. Customer financing may be available, which allows you to pay for the treatment over time in instalments and avoid price being a barrier for services. Spas like this type of financing because it gives them the opportunity to improve satisfaction, while welcoming more customers who might otherwise be unable to pay up front.

Building a New Routine

Those first efforts at grabbing time for yourself are just to show you that it’s possible. But one single act of self-care won’t stave off burnout. You need to take care of yourself consistently, just as you take care of everyone else. This means building a new routine that allows you some time to decompress regularly.

Are there more shoulds that you can get rid of? Can you delegate? Are there tasks that you can turn over to family members and coworkers and neighbours? Ask yourself things like “What’s the worst thing that will happen?” Maybe the house or the lawn or your car will be messier, or your kids will have to learn to do their own laundry and will ruin a pair of pants in the process. Whatever it takes, find a way to build a few hours into every week in which you can focus entirely on yourself.

Create a Vision

Now that you have some breathing room at last, think about what you’d really like your life to look like. Imagine the ideal, even impossible things. You can always scale them down later. But this can create a blueprint for you to truly build some balance back into your life. That balance will allow you to be more present for all the people and things that you care about. Whether you want more time with others, solitude, time for a religious practice, an opportunity to exercise or anything else, you’ve built the skills to bring that into your life.